- For You Stupid FAQers:
Technically none of you have asked any stupid questions yet because we’re posting this before the giveaway goes live. These are just our guesses at the dumb questions you’ll probably ask.
- I don’t understand the rules. It seems like you ran out of space up top to explain this and I need something long and complicated to read on the toilet. What’s the big idea?
For the next 12 days we will be giving away 12 insane prizes. Each day a new prize reveals itself, and each day you have the chance to enter to win it. 12 days. 12 prizes. 12 winners. It all started midnight November 17th and ends midnight November 28th. Mountain Standard Time, of course.
- How do I enter?
Every day around midnight (mountain standard time) a new prize will present itself. Click the enter to win button. Fill out your name. Then your last name. Then your email. Then-- you know what, you got this.
- How long do I have to enter?
You have 24 hours to enter for each prize. Entries will close at midnight MOUNTAIN STANDARD TIME. Not EST, not CST, not BET, mountain standard time. Look it up.
- How old do I have to be to enter?
18 or older*. Under 18? Get your grandma to do it for you, just don’t tell the feds.
- What’s the catch? Do I have to buy something?
You don’t have to buy anything to enter. You don’t have to sign anything to enter. We may harass you if you enter, but only if you win. You will be added to our email subscription list, but you’re probably already signed up to that, so who cares.
- Can I enter for every prize?
Yes. You can enter for all 12 prizes, but you will have to come back each day to enter. You want Day 5’s prize? Make sure you’re here on Day 5 to sign up. There is no shame in signing up to win all 12 prizes. We encourage it. These are awesome prizes. You’re gonna want them.
- Can I enter multiple times for one prize?
I mean technically, yes. But we’ll be filtering out all multiple entries, so I’d find something better to do with your time.
- When are the winners decided?
The winner is decided and contacted the following day. We like fast turnarounds here. Suspense is for foreplay and scary movies.
- How are the winners decided?
With a super scientific state of the art random number generator.
- How will I know if I won?
We will call you. Probably from a number you’ve never seen before. Most likely one with a 978 area code. Answer your damn phone. There may be a free car waiting on the other line. That, or another 10 spam calls about your car’s extended warranty.
- What if I don’t want the prize I won?
Yes you do, you signed up for it.
- How will you get the prize to me?
Don’t worry about it sweetheart. If it’s shippable, we’ll spend a ridiculous amount of money to ship it to you. If it’s not, we’ll fly you out to retrieve it.
- Can I contact your customer service to ask questions even though you wrote out this whole FAQ to prevent that?
We’d rather you didn’t but ok, Karen. https://pitvipersunglasses.com/pages/contact
- How are you making money off this?
We aren’t. Our accountant literally hates this part of the year. She’s already threatened to quit.
- Couldn’t you have just done a discount for Black Friday like everyone else?
We are doing a 25% off discount site wide from Friday, November 19th, through Monday, November 29th, but we wanted to make sure our CEOs don’t have any money left to put their kids through college. Also, maybe if you sign up to win a prize, you’ll find an even better discount in your email inbox.
- How long is this going on for?
12 Days. Hence why we’re calling it, the “12 Days of Turbo.” We’ll start right after midnight on November 19th and end in a drunken rage around midnight, November 30th.
- Are you doing this again next year?
No. This is the FINAL 12 Days of Turbo. Next year we’ll probably do something even harder to pull off, but it won’t include this many cool prizes so get your fix now, bud.
- Is this legal?
What do we look like, attorneys?
- Knock Knock. Who’s there?
I.
- I Who?
I don’t have time for this I’m trying to write an FAQ.
- Why only 12 Days?
We wanted to do 13 but our accountant Neil looks really ugly when he cries.
- What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you’re gonna hurl?
I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she’s yours. But if you spew and you bolt, it was never meant to be.
- I made it to the bottom. Do I win anything?
Congratulations. You won this.
