Underground Key Player Unstructured Hat

Meet the Key Player Hat. Can you imagine if this hat was in your life that day your little sister got bubblegum in your hair and then you tried to get it out with peanut butter but no one told you not to use crunchy peanut butter so all the kids started calling you Nut Face Supreme and the neighborhood squirrels attacked you on the way home leaving physical and mental scars that still pain you?